hey, my first time writing please be gentle with me.
The one thing that rings in my head almost on a daily basis is how people think just because i’m overseas that my problems magically dropped dead in the atlantic ocean, like traveling is supposed to take away all my problems, i’d like to say maybe it is their way of support or giving their two cents when they say “oh at least you’re not in nigeria” but i don’t see it as that.
i see it as me traveling alone to a country that is 6k+ miles away from home, from family, as much as it seems like such a fun experience it really is not. The anxiety i feel a week to my departure from nigeria, right from when my mum drops me off at the airport and i’m waving goodbye at her until i can’t see her in my line of sight, and alone in an unknown country where i don’t even have the courage to walk up to someone to ask for help with something as little as where the bathroom is, i do not know if it’s just me who feels this way or i’m milking it because to be honest i still see my self as a teenager and no matter how many times i’ve flown alone internationally, the anxiety just doesn’t leave, it’s like a mental battle in my head preparing myself for the stressful day ahead but all people see is the tiktok or youtube videos of me smiling and laughing or they just know that “ah, you that you’re janding and leaving us in nigeria” don’t get me wrong i do love traveling but i don’t love the anxiety that comes with traveling because it is so mind boggling.
Like the title says: change is scary but change is necessary, the Holy Spirit brought this title to my mind when we were conversing and as someone who doesn’t like change at all, this title resonates with me so much because something as small as getting a new hairstyle gives me so much anxiety, or getting a new job knowing absolutely zero people in the workplace, not to talk of crossing a whole entire ocean where i have to adapt to the weather changes (me & cold do not go hand in hand), the different time zones, my parents not being able to reach me on my mobile number only on whatsapp, i literally have to rearrange my whole schedule: fitting in my prayer hour, eating hour, sleeping hour and social hour and i remember speaking with God about it and He showed me Ecclesiastes 3:1 (a quite popular verse in the Bible) which says: “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:”
Which to be honest i often overlooked but now i understand this verse so much more, what is so funny in all this is that i prayed to travel this year march 2025 since last year november 2024 and the change that came with having my prayers answered is what is scary, and sometimes we get too comfortable in a particular season of our life because we are familiar with that season, but being comfortable doesn’t give you the chance to explore and see so many people seasons, picture this: you have your hands in a tight fist and God is telling you to open your hands and let go because you’re holding on so much to what He has blessed you with previously that you don’t want to open up to the new and beautiful things He wants to lavish you with. I remember last year when i traveled to london for work, the first four days of my resumption to work i got lost at different train stations and i remember calling my uncle crying seriously because it was just me alone in those train stations and i had to find my way out, but do you know the best thing about it all? Gods hand was in on it with me because i knew He would not bring me all the way just to leave me, i cried and He wiped my tears, i was angry and He was there to talk things out with me, i was sad and He comforted me, yes my environment changed, the weather changed, my schedule changed, i had anxiety during the process of the change, but God held my hand through it all, He was there every step of the way and He still is.
Change still is scary to me but i have THE one who never changes on my side and i call Him Abba, He calls me His beloved 🥺❤️.
The thing is when God opens himself to us,we close ourselves at that point and forget that a section of an entirety was opened not the entirety itself, so pls be open.
The confidence I lost was not from this world, yes even to ask around. It's like,what do they say,how would they perceive me but I forget that it's not me that would be seen but Jesus so I stopped stressing